The Name Game

To change my name, or not to change my name… That is the question.

As weird as it sounds, I’ve actually been thinking about changing my last name since I was a little kid. I just have such an easy English name, everyone could say it and spell it so easily. I didn’t really decide one way or another back then because I knew changing my last name was going to depend on the last name of the guy I would eventually marry. I always imagined myself with my crush’s last name, like Beth White, Beth Ormond, or Beth Leto (come on, who didn’t dream about marrying Jerred Leto…) Those names sounded great together, or at least were pronounceable, and something people could spell. Fast forward to present day… I guess I never really imagined that I would eventually be engaged to someone with a name like Mr. S………. Ummm, how do you say your last name??? Yeah, that’s what a Polish Ukrainian heritage does for you. You get that pause right before people say, or rather butcher, your last name, as they try to figure out how to say it in their heads. Or, if you say it for them, they couldn’t spell it if their life depended on it. We usually use my name for dinner reservations, or just resort to using one of our first names. I see it come through wrong on some of his mail, and I LOVE when the telemarketers call. I figure if they can’t say it right, they don’t have the right person… heheh, so sneaky.

Anyway, I’m so conflicted by this decision that its really got me worried. Back in the day, it was expected that the woman would take her husband’s last name once they were married. Now, you really have the option to do whatever you like; keep your maiden name, hyphenate your last names, or change it all together to be a combination of both names(although I’ve heard this option, I’ve never met someone who followed through with it.) I thought I would be so excited to just jump in to my wife role with my new wife name, but something just isn’t sitting right. I’ve evaluated all of these options heavily – but I’m still torn. Here goes my rational:

Change my name to his: I really want myself to love this option because I want to feel like we’re a family, and we all have the same name. I want to have the same name as our future children, which I know from experience, after growing up with a different last name as my mom, removes a ton of complication from permission slips, medical forms, and all things parent/child related. I don’t think I would mind being called Mrs. S, if it was pronounced correctly of course. It doesn’t sound terrible with my first name, but it doesn’t necessarily roll off the tongue as easily as my current name. Maybe that just takes some time – the new feel will wear off? Maybe? It’s just the fact that I will always have to spell out my name when talking over the phone, correct people when they spell it wrong or say it wrong in public. Even my own family can’t say or spell it correctly (yet) – and its only 5 letters! Another piece of my frustration has surfaced even with planning the wedding with our wedding vendors, they always ask for both of our names, yet, they have on more than one occasion, spelled his last name wrong. If you want to do business with people, don’t you think you would want to spell their name correctly? (sorry, maybe that’s just a pet peeve of mine…)

Keep My Maiden Name: I LOVE MY NAME. I realize that sounds sort of conceited, but again, people can speak and spell my name now, and as weird as that sounds, it’s comforting. My mom is convinced that I have really made a name for myself in my career and that changing it now will make me have to start over again. I can see that to some degree, but it’s not like I’m going to lose any knowledge or experience, people will probably still reference me by my maiden name, and then they’ll realize, “oh, she got married.” People do that all the time… And seriously people – its not like I’m a big shot doctor, or lawyer, or politician or something. I manage construction, and I think I could do that with a different name. But something is still pulling at me to stay with my current name… Why!?

Hyphenating: Really. Just. Doesn’t. Work. It’s that simple. My last name ends in S, and his starts with an S – and that’s gonna be some seriously silly sounding stuff. (You like that alliteration? I thought it was kinda funny…) Just doesn’t sound right.

Change Our Names to Morph into a New Name: Um, no, we’re just not in to that sort of thing.

What’s a girl to do here!!??? I know I have some time to think through it, and maybe once the wedding happens, and I start to get a feel for my “new” name and title as Mrs. S, it’ll start to grow on me. I know for a fact that I will not be legally changing my name for at least 6 months after the wedding as we’re putting off our honeymoon until the next calendar year, and I don’t want to deal with passport drama before our big trip. Maybe I’ll take that time to try it on for size....